Nicole Elyce – Parenting Thoughts

Last week we discussed The Secret of Parenting by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D.. Dr. Wolf discusses the baby self and the mature self.  The baby self is that part of us that wants what it wants when it wants it, which is NOW!  The mature self is the part of us that we show to the world. It is the responsible, helpful, thoughtful part that others see.

Each of us has a baby self and a mature self, but as we grow-up, the mature self is supposed to take over more of our decisions and behavior.

But I still think it is important to honor the baby self.

The baby self wants to play.  It wants attention, relaxation, and indulgence.  The baby self is part of us and must be satisfied to achieve balance.

I am reminded of Glenn Close’s character in the movie Fatal Attraction as she says, “I will NOT be IGNORED!”

The baby self on so many levels!

I think if we ignore the baby self it starts to come out in different ways.  We build up stress; we unconsciously overindulge; we become depressed.

But it is up to the mature self to make sure the baby self is nurtured and taken care of but not overindulged.

I remember one Mother’s Day I wanted to lie on the couch and watch chick flicks.  My baby self lined up three or four of them.  After church, I came home, lied down on the couch with a box of tissues, and announced that everyone was on their own for the rest of the day.  About seven hours later I emerged from the family room and felt awful.  Overindulgence.  I had a headache, my body felt a little achy, and I was not in a very good mood.

I also experience this baby self overindulgence if I decide to “treat” myself with a junky, fast food meal.  It is one thing to get an order of fries; it is another to get a hamburger, fries, soda, and a dessert.  About an hour after I get this “treat,” I feel awful.  I feel grouchy and sluggish.  But I sure did seem to want it an hour a go.

Our mature selves have to control the portions.

How can we nurture and take care of our baby selves?

• Play with your kids and let your baby self out, too.
• Play and create. – write, draw, play board games, whatever sounds fun to your baby self.
• Make time to get together with friends.
• Make time to be alone.
• Go on a date with your spouse or significant other.
• Relax. Lie on a lawn chair in the back yard, read a great novel, take a bubble bath, rent a movie, do something that would relax you
• Get a great box of chocolate or some other food that you love, but let the mature self do the portion control!

Whatever you choose, do it consciously to nurture the baby self.

Filed under: Life Lessons, Uncategorized on March 6th, 2009